Category Archives: fertility

Feather Puffing and Nests

Friday, January 23, 2009

I have done some reflecting lately and took some time to read some of the posts I wrote when I first started this blog. It seems forever ago to me already, but in reality it’s been just under two years. March 2009 will mark the two year point for this crazy journey I have been on. It will be the anniversary of the day I began living my life the way I always wanted to.

Don’t get me wrong, my life is not perfect, and it certainly is far less glamorous then this blog (or a magazine photo) makes it appear to the naked eye. But I am happy. I love my home, I love that I get to work from home, and I love that I have been afforded the luxury of getting to try my hand at the numerous passions that have filled heart these last two years.

I love sharing my photography with all of you, but I am feeling like I need to get back to sharing more about me, my home, my life, and my story. I feel like this blog has gotten away from the theraputic tool I used to think of it as, and it has become a “brag book” of sorts… which I am feeling pretty bad about.

The truth is, I have been all over the place lately. My home is a mess, and I haven’t been spending money on myself like I used to (so that means no new “decor” to inspire new photos of my house). Josh has been traveling a bit again, so I have been alone and that means I work WAY longer hours than I should (which makes me crabby). And we are “trying” again (when he’s home), which is so emotionally taxing on me. I am taking this new “pregnancy protocol” that my doctor prescribed, which is easily 20 or more pills a day (and I am SO NOT a pill person!). I hesitate to even talk about it on the blog, because it gets those emotions flowing, but again, I need to get back to the therapy this blog (and you all) once provided to me, so I’m spilling my guts.

I do actually have some photos of my home to share today…. (it’s really just a couple close-up’s of the cute “nests” I saved for myself from the shop in my living room), but hey – it’s a start. I doctored up the photos to make them extra special and pretty for blog sharing. :)

Nesting 1

I know what you’re thinking…. it’s a little early to be decorating for spring, but the Christmas decor comes down immediately after Christmas over here. (I’ve always been that way… learned it from my mother). Actually I started taking my decor down ON Christmas, while my guests were still here….he he he….Josh doesn’t get why I do it, but I LOVE the way it feels when the house looks clean and uncluttered after it all comes down.

nesting2

nesting3

Hopefully, you can get past the fact that I’ve shown you this set up of cloches and pedestals eight million times already with countless other props, and just appreciate it for what it is. I will make it my mission to find some inspiration, start talking again, and to do it more often than I have been! Cheers!

Posted in fertility, our house, personal

Still hopeful

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Blogdraft

Just wanted to say thank you to all of you sweet souls who commented on our fertility issues. Josh and I are still hopeful and haven’t ruled out adoption. I honestly have tried not to even think about it this last year while the business has been growing. I hear that one of the best ways to get pregnant is to stop trying, so that is what my heart is shooting for at the moment! :)

Thank you again for your well wishes and prayers. They are much appreciated. Have a great weekend!

Posted in fertility, personal, photography

Easter Bonnets

Friday, March 30, 2007

When I was searching through my pictures for a photo of my grandmother yesterday I came across this newspaper clipping from April 18th, 1981. I was four. My mom entered me into a Easter bonnet contest and I won “Most Beautiful”. The prize was a chocolate bunny and this ribbon. My mom, very proudly, found several papers and clipped out the photo to save in my baby book. I have to admit, it makes me smile to look at it and to think of how proud my mom must have been when she wrote the details in my baby book.

My mom was thirty then, the same age I am now. It’s strange to think about it that way. It’s hard to imagine your own mother at your current age. She was in such a different place in her life at age 30 then I am now. She had already gone through her own infertility issues, adopted my older sister, and gave birth to me (after doctors told her she would never have kids); she had even been through a divorce. While I feel maybe even more seasoned in life lessons than she was at my age, I can not fathom being a mother of two. But I certainly wish I knew how it felt.

Josh and I have been struggling with infertility for three and a half years now. It makes me cry to even type those words. It’s painful and draining to even talk about. We have had 1 fresh and 2 frozen IVF (in-vitro fertilization) cycles, and done one round of artificial insemination, spending $25,000 along the way. We had one miscarriage from the frozen transfer, and one miscarriage from a natural pregnancy (a fluke possibly?). It is the most challenging thing I have been through. I really feel terribly for any woman who struggles with infertility. I am going to end this topic by saying – I hope with all my heart that Josh and I get to experience parenthood someday soon. We still are trying naturally (hoping the fluke could happen again), and may someday look to adopt… say a prayer for us, won’t you?

(I’m not sure how that happened – this started out as a nostalgic entry about my mom and Easter and my childhood, and somehow ended up about my infertility? I think I better stop here and write again tomorrow when I feel less hormonal.)

Posted in family, fertility, personal

I hate roller coasters.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

This has been a busy week for me. I have endlessly tried to figure out website search engine submissions, marketing options, and meta tags… all while working my full time job at a mortgage company, and getting prepared for my younger sisters wedding tomorrow. It has been a roller coaster ride of anxiety and joy. I feel exhausted.

Things with my store seem to be going well. I have managed to get my products added to a few shopping sites, and my website listed on a few major search engines; I even had my first sale this week. Yeah! (And then the roller coaster starts it’s descent). Yesterday was a terrifying day for me as my employer did layoffs. My older sister and I, who also works there, luckily survived the downsize. The good news came after a few dreadful hours of nausea and anxiety over what would happen if we did get laid off. Our husbands, both away at the bachelor party, had no way to offer support, while my sister and I were in angst over whether or not we still had jobs. (Not my best Friday). A few of our friends did loose their jobs, so the relief we felt was very short lived.

Today is Saturday, my husband should be home soon, it’s the day before the wedding, and it’s St. Patty’s Day! It was five years ago this weekend that I first met my husband in Vegas; although it wasn’t until a month later that we actually had our first date. I don’t think he’d mind me saying, it’s been a looong five years.

Josh and I have been through a lot together; a lot more than any new marriage should have to endure. We purchased two homes together, remodeled each one pretty extensively, sold a home, struggled with infertility, and had two miscarriages. All of which, (I’m sure this goes without saying), are extremely taxing on a marriage. Marriage is enough of a challenge without one life altering event after another being thrown at you. I am proud to say, we have managed to survive through it all, and things are looking up. Hooray!

Tomorrow will be the start of a new marriage. Lindsey has met the perfect man for her. He is kind, patient, funny, a great father, and he loves her and her daughter unconditionally. I have no doubts their marriage will also endure whatever life has to throw at them. I am honored to be a bridesmaid at their wedding. Nate has already been like a brother to me, this will just make things official. I feel blessed to have such a close family, I consider them both my best friends. Congratulations, Lindsey and Nate!

Posted in family, fertility, personal

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