This morning Finn and I woke up and had breakfast together the way we always do. After breakfast I was sitting on the sofa – fiddling with my iPhone – when I came across the post I wrote to Finn on his birthday, here. As I was reading through it, looking at the images that show him growing so quickly and taking in each comment left, I started to swell up with tears. Finn was standing in front of me – watching Nick Jr and swaying to one of the songs they had playing in the background – and suddenly I was inspired to put on the song I wrote about that day and dance with him.
I keep my favorite mixed CD ready and loaded in the player so it took only a few seconds for our song to fill the room. From the moment he heard the first notes, Finn smiled and started to dance. This has become a little ritual for us when I remember to put music on, which only happens once a month or so.
I picked him up and held him close while we swayed to the melody and took the music in. He rested his head on my shoulder and surrendered himself in my arms as if he were about to fall asleep.
We rocked back and forth slowly, turning in circles while I held him tight and cried softly. Tears of joy, tears of gratitude, tears of unfathomable love for this incredible blessing in my life.
When the song ended, I laid Finn down and went to make his bottle. He laid there so peaceful and still and I noticed the light starting to break through the overcast of the clouds outside and filter down on him. He looked beautiful.
I ran to grab my camera… to capture some of the stillness and beauty that happened so unexpectedly this morning. So that I remember this day and how it felt forever.